Ze stories uf ze fearsome Gnome varrior, Gnolly! Unt Gnonest.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Ze Scarlet Monkplace

Gnonest unt I vent for a long run ze ozer night to visit ze Scarlet Monastery. Great, I figured, a place full uf monks. Monks are nice people. But not zese monks. Right away, zey attack us! Vhy? Because zey said ve vere contaminated. Boy, zose scarlet guys aren't very friendly at all, goot zing ve didn't help ze vun in Desolace at all. Ve shoult hev kicked him in ze shin!

Ve got a little tired uf ze monks attackink us all ze time, so ve decided to vait on zat for anozer day, unt ran ofer to ze Arazi Highlands. I like ze highlands -- lots uf Tin (and Iron, and efen a bit uf mizril). Gnonest needed to kill a bunch uf trolls to make a staff. He promised me lightening unt everyzink, but vhen ve put ze staff on ze altar, nuzzink. Vell, a bit uf light, but hardly any lightnink. Bah, borink mage quests.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Zis vus Gnonest unt I vhen ve vere killink ze lost vuns (yes, ve found zem). It is a bad picture uf ze lost vun leader, as he vus runnink avay from us at ze time. Posted by Hello

Unt about zose 'lost vuns'

How could zey be lost? Zey vere fishink all ofer ze swamp! I could heff beliefed zey vere lost if zey hid or zumzink, but zey jumped at us first chances zey got. Unt it's not like no vun had been in ze swamp before, you already heff ze stupid humans bringink zeir vagons in ze swamp.

You'd zink zey vould heff zeen zose lost vuns before.

Speakink uf Anor. He sent me zis photo uf himself recently. Isn't zat ze most awful lookink combination uf clozink you heff seen? He looks like a dwarf tourist durink summer or zumzink! Posted by Hello

I realized I heff not posted a picture uf me since I got my crown. I don't zink I vill keep it, zo. It is not as nice as my old green goggles, but it does protect my forehead better. I must find zumzink a little more fearsome. Perhaps I vill get Anor to make me a nice turtle shell helmet or zumzink. Posted by Hello

Vhy don't you make a list?!?!

Ze people ve try to help zumtimes get on my nerves. I mean, ve try to be nice, ve try to help zem, especially ze down unt out vuns. However, it vould be nice if zey keep in mind zere are lots uf people who needs ze help uf fearsome Gnomes. I mean, ve are very busy, killink ze monsters, gettink ze golt, unt minink ze tin (I luff tin!). If you vant us to help you, it's best if you make us a list uf ze zinks you'd like us to do.

Vhy just ze ozer day, ve vere vanderink in ze swamp, unt zis guy asks, "My vagon is broken down, unt ze animals are scarink me. Vould you please kill some uf zem for me?"

"Hokay", ve say, unt proceed to kill ze "scary" animals.

"Oh, zank you!", he said, "Vhile you're out, vould you mind to find ze lost vuns, unt get zomezink from zem too?"

Vould it heff been so hard to say, "I em an idiot who has brought ze vagon into ze swamp. Please rescue me by killink a bunch uf ze animals, unt if you heppen to see any lost vuns, ask zem for my stuff beck. Zank you."? Instead, ve heff to finish killink (unt killink a bunch uf ze lost vuns as vell in ze process, as zey are eferyvhere in zat swamp. More on zis later) before he tells us about ze stuff. Efen vorse, efter ve got his stuff beck, he says, "Oh, zank you, brave Gnomes. Vould you mind also gettink me zum vood to fixink my vagon? Nice vood please, please import it from zumvhere, I don't like ze domestic."

Bah. Ze lazy human! Should heff fed him to ze spiders in ze voods.