I vill nefer understand politics

Gnonest unt I heff been vanderink around Desolace lately unt zere are a lot uf kolkars runnink around. Uf course, zat is all zey can do viz four legs unt all, unpleasant fly-ridden half horses.

Some guy asked us to decide betveen two tribes uf ze kolkars, to make vun tribe happy. Unfortunately, makink vun tribe happy meant zat ve had to kill many uf ze ozer tribe. Zey boz look alike to me -- how could ve tell zem apart? Smelly fleabags. Vell, at least ve managed to make ze vun tribe happy.

I heff been zinkink on ze side. Should I stick viz my sword, or practice viz ze ozer veapons? Zat troll promised me a new veapon, but he didn't say vut he vould make. Maybe I vould heff a choice? Bah. I don't understand ze minds uf trolls at all.